What do you think?
]]>Funny huh? You can make your own by clicking here. All credit goes to the owner of that site.
I’m thinking about changing my own voicemail to this…
]]>Age really is only a number!
]]>Oxygen from Christopher Hendryx on Vimeo.
]]>PLAY LOUDER, YOU’RE WORTHLESS!!!!!
–Trevor Murnock
Play what you don’t hear
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
– Demetri Martin
If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
– Dave Allen
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
– Elayne Boosler
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
– Albert Einstein
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
– Albert Einstein
Quick! What’s the number for 911??
–Homer Simpson
“sheep moving or sheep stealing however you call it, is age old and there is little that can be done about it, people are people and they move when they want to…(All we like sheep have gone astray, each to his own way!)”
–Liese Engel (From Scriptures, Isaiah 53:6)
Anything that can go wrong, will
–Murphy’s Law
‘Carpe Diem’ = ‘Seize the day’
‘Carp in Denim’ =’ Fish in Pants’
‘Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.’
‘When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.’
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
— Weinberg’s Second Law
]]>By Bro. Michael Dimond
A few months ago I was able to speak a few times to a Fr. Steven Scheier. Many years ago Fr. Scheier was attempting to pass another car with his Ford Thunderbird and ran head-on into a pickup truck. The violent collision snapped his neck and tore half his scalp away. Fr. Scheier was immediately airlifted by helicopter to a hospital, while the paramedics worked desperately to save his life. Barely alive, he slipped into the stillness of death. What occurred next would forever change Fr. Scheier.
Suddenly, he found himself alone, in another dimension. Something he described as a vast spiritual void.
Fr. Scheier: “I was before the Judgment Seat of Almighty God… Our Lord Jesus Christ. Our Lord [whom I could hear but not see] went through all my unconfessed, unforgiven mortal sins. There was much said in regards to my life. The only thing that I did when I heard about particular instances was internally say, ‘Yes, Yes, that’s true.’ There was no rebuttal. At the end of his speaking, God said, ‘The sentence that you will have for all eternity is Hell.’
“I thought internally, ‘I know this is what I deserve.’ It was if I had pronounced the sentence myself. I had chosen my destiny, he was just honoring that decision.
“The next voice I heard was that of a female. I didn’t see her either, but she said, ‘Son, would you please spare his life and his eternal soul.’
“The male voice said, ‘Mother, he has been a priest for twelve years for himself, and not for me. Let him reap the punishment he deserves.’
“There was a short pause and the female voice said, ‘But Son, if we give to him special graces and strengths, and come to him in ways that he is not familiar with, we can see if he bears fruit… If he does not, then Your will be done’.
“Then there was a very short pause and the male voice said ‘Mother, he’s yours.’”
Despite only a 15% chance of surviving, and injuries that should have left him paralyzed for life, Fr. Scheier defied all odds and made an unexplainable recovery.
Fr. Scheier recalls that he indeed deserved to go to Hell, for he had not fulfilled his duty as a priest: “I could not stand peer pressure. In other words, I wanted to be one of the guys. Now the priests at this time seemed to find a need to be just one of the guys, too, a lay person. And that was shown more from the pulpit than any place else in my dealings with priests and laity – because priests would get up and talk about peace, love and joy, not morality, dogma, and what the Church is all about – because this made one unpopular and God help us if a priest was unpopular – because that would mean that the money didn’t come in. So to keep the money coming in you had to tell the people what they wanted to hear.”
]]>How to piss him off
Top 10 tricks to piss off your webmaster.
I’ve been a web designer for quite a long time now, so I can assure you that these are the best tricks to piss off your webmaster, and possibly end up with a voodoo doll of yourself on a geek’s desk.
Any similarity with real people/events is purely coincidental and no-one should feel targeted, I’ve made this list solely for fun.
So here it is (in no particular order):
1. Pre-reserve your domain and hosting with a small and obscure foreign web based company.
2. Assume that those who made your website also inherited the technical support for your emails.
3. Send all your texts on plain old paper, but not handwritten. It’s important that the guy who has to retype them knows that there is a digital version somewhere.
4. When the webmaster ask for your logo, give him an old business card that was in your wallet for the last 3 years.
5. When he ask “what you would like to be able to change by yourself in your website”, answer “everything!”. And when the site is done, send him your stuff instead of changing it yourself.
6. Ask him a for “plug & play” quotation, Ex.: “I’d like a quotation of the site with and without a shopping cart, with and without the gallery ..” and so on for every single part of your site.
7. Send him drafts, let him integrate them, then send some corrections.. iterate over and over until he collapse crying in a corner of the room.
8. Although you don’t know anything about the web (and proclaim it), insist that the web designers do the site exactly like you want it instead of what they think would be best for you.
9. During the initial meeting, brag that you will write all the needed texts over night and send them back the next morning. Then give no sign of life for the next 3 month and call back asking “Is my site done yet ?!”
10. Tell him you need a Youtube like website but with Facebook functionalities and the simplicity of Google. Of course you have a very limited budget and the quotation must be on your desk for the next morning.
Bonus: When you receive your quotation argue that your nephew can do it for a fraction of the price in his basement.
How to make him happy
Top 10 tricks to help your webmaster.
In my last blog post I listed a top 10 things that bugs webmasters. I’m not sure if it’s because it was laughable and true or simply because social bookmarking users likes top 10 lists, but it was undoubtedly the post that got me the most traffic (2000043,155+ hits!). Obviously I’m not the only one having these issues 
But stepping back reading my post again I though that as funny as it might be, it was not very constructive or helpful. So I decided that I would try to make a similar top list, but instead of moaning, I’ll list 10 things that can be done to make a webmaster’s life easier. It’s not just about making someone’s life easier, if the interaction is good it will directly and positively affect the end result.
And now the top 10 things to do if you want your webmaster to be happy;
1. Do your homeworks.
Giving quality content is important if you want a quality website. If you don’t have time to sell yourself, it’s perfectly understandable. Time == money. That’s the time to hire a marketing firm to do it for you. Some company offer text composition, spell check and translation in house, consider asking for it. Composing text and design for the web is not really the same game as for the print, or anything else. It’s a whole other media created and consumed differently in different context. This leads me to point two.
2. Be open minded.
As I said, the web is not the print, as it’s not the television. It’s a media on it’s own and unless you spend more than 20 hours a week surfing the web (porn excluded!), you most likely don’t know much about it. And to add on top of that, we are in the prehistoric age of this constantly evolving media. Like the television did, some technologies and trends will last more longer than others. It’s important to find and choose what fits you right now.
3. Give a honest feedback even if it is negative, we can take it.
It’s important to be open minded but it’s also important to be honest in your feedbacks. If a designer show you a design and you say “yeah, I like it”, he might assume that you really liked it. We’d like to read your mind but there is ethical and technical issues. Just say that you don’t like it, or that you don’t think it represent you like you would like. Don’t be afraid to give examples and directions of what you like.
4. If you think you can’t meet a deadline tell it right away.
We too have many other things to do Seriously, nobody will hold it against you. We live in a busy world, don’t be afraid to delegate to someone trustworthy.
5. Bring final reversions of your content (text or pictures) if possible.
Unless they are doing your marketing or spell checking too, they are more likely to want to receive final version of your documents. Ask peer review if needed, it always help. You can even ask them a review of your material, but don’t forget to mention that it’s not final (production ready) material.
6. Communicate by email and list your requests clearly
We don’t dislike talking to our clients on the phone at all, but it’s easier for us to break down requests in a to-do lists when they are summarized in a email. It’s also harder to forget an email than a request made by phone. Now if you’re in doubt of being understood in your email, the telephone or in person is your best option. Don’t be afraid to send screen shots too.
7. Whenever possible, bring your content in digital format.
Since we have to retype them if you bring it on paper, it’s a good idea to give it in digital format first hand. They will probably ask for it if you don’t. The same apply to pictures.
8. Visit your other web sites.
Tell about what you like and dislike, show us examples, it will help to define your tastes. Make a list and write down about your impressions.
9. Be flexible
Understand that the web has its limitations and that your primary goal should be communication. Sure we can integrate music, but is it really supporting your message ? Unless you are in the music industry, probably not. Also, don’t be afraid to try new things and always feel free to ask peer review before adopting a new style or technology.
10. Release often
It’s a phrase we hear often on the web, but most of clients are old schools.. They want to get all their content sorted out and final before putting the site online. Although this might seems a logic approach, it might be a better idea to start with the most important sections and put it online even if some less ones are still missing. It’s less pressure for everybody and visitors are more likely to come back because they see changes. But most importantly it gives you a feedback cycle.
This is my daily computer life…
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