Favorite Quotes

Facebook is having problems lately, so I have moved my quotes.

PLAY LOUDER, YOU’RE WORTHLESS!!!!!
–Trevor Murnock

Play what you don’t hear

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
– Demetri Martin

If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
– Dave Allen

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
– Elayne Boosler

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
– Albert Einstein

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
– Albert Einstein

Quick! What’s the number for 911??
–Homer Simpson

“sheep moving or sheep stealing however you call it, is age old and there is little that can be done about it, people are people and they move when they want to…(All we like sheep have gone astray, each to his own way!)”
–Liese Engel (From Scriptures, Isaiah 53:6)

Anything that can go wrong, will
–Murphy’s Law

‘Carpe Diem’ = ‘Seize the day’
‘Carp in Denim’ =’ Fish in Pants’

‘Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.’

‘When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.’

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

— Weinberg’s Second Law